the?lie

studio album

story adaptation & development

book & lyrics

 

seven steps to the green door

the?lie

 
 
the lie_cover_draft.jpg
 
 

studio album

released april 30, 2019

© 2019 progressive promotions records

 
 

music by marek arnold & ulf reinhardt

words by george andrade

 
 

samuel must reconcile the moral authority of his faith with the political realities of his religion, and the fanaticism masked behind The Word, all the while suffering the repercussions of his love for evangeline at the hands of church fathers

 
 
 

ssttgd 2019 - (front to back) lars köhler, stephan pankow, anne trautmann, marek arnold, michael schetter, and ulf reinhardt

 

 

track list

 
 
 
 

“ …to Andrade’s immense credit he’s done a stellar job, the story unfolding with real dynamic tension and believability…”

 

 

lyrics

alpha & omega i

 
 
 
 

Father sits alone in the red stained light of Abraham, arm raised high over Isaac in church glass, and writes a letter to his son. Lightning bursts briefly, and his words are shadowed by rain. He finishes and folds and slides the letter into an envelope and writes: “Samuel”.

Father

(from the letter)

I remember feeling most blessed when I held you in my arms for the first time. You had a smile that would light up the room and a laugh that warmed my heart.

You had the bluest eyes, the brightest blue, eyes like the sky that reflected the light and could cast out shadows. Eyes that would look straight through me and into my soul.

I knew that you were different, then. I knew then that you would be chosen.

The dark is coming fast ahead of the storm, and the power in The Mansion is gone.

Father

I can still see you tumbling in the fields with that smile on your face as you played, and I can hear you laughing.

I remember your eyes reflecting back the sky, and when you looked at me with those eyes, I could feel HIS brilliant presence.

It was a glorious look that made all of my sorrows and worries disappear. You lifted my spirits.

The colors in the stained-glass are fading.

Father

You are my blood, you are my son- my only son.

He turns in his chair to watch the rain hitting behind “The Binding of Isaac”.

Samuel

(under Father reading the letter)

heaven

comfort

divine

love

Father

I have cared for you and raised you in HIS word, and I’ve watched you grow stronger in your faith.

I’ve prayed for you to follow in my footsteps, to become stronger and wiser than I have been, and I had hoped that you would one day wear this golden ring.

I’ve done everything in my power to help you realize this dream. And I have sacrificed all to prepare the way for you.

“Is murder God’s way, or is it yours” she had asked?

Samuel

heaven

forgive me

farewell

go

Father

My father – your Grandfather - is a man without fear.

He is a man who will not hesitate to do what needs to be done in HIS name. There was a time when he did not fear to cleanse the world of those he believed were HIS enemies.

He was a fearless soldier for THE WORD, then.

He was a man of great power. He is still a man to be feared. I have tried to follow in his footsteps.

Pilate had asked, “what is truth?”

“Everyone who is of The Truth hears my voice,” Jesus said.

Samuel

heaven

peaceful

sweet angel

go

Father

I remember holding you once when you were crying. You had hurt yourself in a fall.

“Don’t worry,” I said.

“HE will comfort all of your sorrows.”

“HE will heal all of your wounds.”

“HE is there for you, for me, for all of us, always.”

Father stands before Isaac bound, resigned, and he can feel the cold awaiting him on the other side. In the courtyard by the gate, he sees the shadow of the tree waving in the wind. He will have to wear a coat, he tells himself … and then he collapses to his knees with The Book pressed to his lips.

Samuel

heaven

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lyrics

salvation

 
 

Father

(praying)

I need YOUR light

everlasting

to keep my soul pure

I need to trust

in YOUR loving

for me

I hold The Book

that YOU gave us

full of YOUR words

meant to save us

O Lord, I pray

for YOUR loving-

I know I paid

for YOUR loving-

a lifelong fight

for YOUR loving…

my end of days

it is coming

raise me in light

show YOUR loving-

bathed in the light

of YOUR loving

I paid the price

for YOUR loving…

will give my life

for YOUR loving-

must save…

Samuel

…save me

Lightning bursts brightly, repeatedly, and a photo on the desk catches Father’s eye. It is Samuel, reflecting back the storm behind the glass.

Father

must save…

Samuel then Noah then Mother then Evangeline

…save me

Father

(spoken)

“You have your mother’s eyes…

I’ve never seen her in you before.”

“… you’re not yourself,” she had said. He had heard that once before. And he had let go then, like he had let go of her earlier, but it had been too late then, like it was too late now, he feared.

She had startled him too with that look in her eyes, as the familiar sensations coursed through his hands and up into his arms to find that place in his heart.

“Women sleep with monsters,” Samuel’s mother had once said. She was his wife then, but she had long since tired of the charade.

Father places the picture of Samuel back on the desk. “The past is never dead. It’s not even the past,” he remembers reading.

And he remembers sitting under the tree in the courtyard, being watched from behind these same windows, hopeful as Samuel had been with the woman he wanted to love. Children think that they’re the only ones to experience life.

But he had been raised to be a soldier for The Word. He was a mutt, sitting at the right hand of the shepherd, the lapdog who had kept the flock together, the harrier who had collected those who strayed.

What is truth?

I am.

Father moves fluidly through the dark to find the small bathroom behind his desk and he bends to the sink. He hits the tap and drowns his face with cold water once, twice, again and then he straightens, strains to find himself in the mirror, but he cannot see. Who in hell was he?

Another brilliant flash of lightning illuminates the mirror, and the face of a man cut by stained-glass appears, a patchwork monster of The Church, his Father’s creation, staring back at him.

We are born exposed and we remain exposed, he thinks, and we fight exposure every day, though there is no deeper desire than to be revealed… such is our desire for love. Which face shall be revealed tonight, he wonders?

“You will sacrifice the man who clothes me,” Jesus had said.

Samuel and Noah and Mother

I’m bathing

in your light

I’m growing

in your light

I’m crying

in your light

Father

there’s a price to pay-

must prepare your way

Samuel and Noah and Mother

I’m bathing

in your light

I’m swimming

in your light

I’m drowning

in your light

Father

you must pay the price-

one last sacrifice

must save…

Samuel then Noah

…save me

Mother

save me

Father

must save…

Samuel then Noah

…save me

Mother then Evangeline

save me

Father senses a commotion in The Mansion; his instincts have picked up on the almost imperceptible vibrations of someone prowling the halls below… and then he hears a door being pounded upon-

“Evangeline!” It’s Samuel – he’s returned for the girl!

He must hurry then - there is no more time. He rushes back to the desk and lays out in a line: Samuel’s letter, a copy of The Book, a master key to the mansion, and a flier for next Sunday’s Service. Samuel’s lost copy of The Book and The Ring he had already placed with the girl.

“Father!” He can hear the anguish in Samuel’s cry, and he hears him running now down the long corridor towards the stairs leading up to his office…

… consequences move like waves and his time here, like the sea on the tide, has run aground. He remembers to take his coat.

The stairs are being taken two at a time and then there is a pause on the landing... Samuel’s hand is on the door! Father exits quickly to complete his mission.

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lyrics

a price to pray i

 
 

It is the end of May and the park is in full bloom; The Church’s Easter lilies have long since wilted and died. Father is searching the fields for Samuel and The Lover, for that is what he calls her. He refuses to call that girl by her birth name.

He had known her once when she was Evangeline, a puckish wildflower, the youngest daughter of an entrepreneur who had partnered with him to provided essential infrastructure and manpower on The Church’s very lucrative, and politically powerful, Clean Water Initiative.

But Evangeline had grown tall and blossomed over time, the unruly weed standing out from the field soon enough, and it wasn’t long before she had caught the eye of Samuel at a Clean Water promotional event.

They had soon become inseparable. It was then that Father had noticed an alarming change in Samuel’s behavior: his son had become more audacious in voicing the doubts he’d apparently been harboring about the moral authority of The Church, especially in light of the political realities of running such a large religious organization.

And it was then that his Father, Samuel’s grandfather, had grown suspicious of the girl’s “sudden” interest too, appearing as it did on the verge of The Church developing new territories for the Clean Water Initiative. He had wanted them followed whenever they were together, and he’d wanted Evangeline’s every move noted, which of course had fallen to him.

The wind has picked up and dark clouds laden with rain are moving in low on the horizon. He can smell the rain in the air, so Father quickens his pace, smiling and waving when he’s recognized here and there.

He spots Samuel and The Lover in the last of the mown fields, along an apron of scrub and bramble before a darkening stand of oaks by the river. He watches Samuel remove The Book from lying open across his face and sit up, staring at the disappearing sun.

The Lover collects a small clutch of wildflowers in the grass by her side and jumps up. She extends her hand to Samuel, which he takes, and smiling leaning back she pulls him up to her.

They both look to the sky and then rush away ahead of the coming storm, disappearing in to take cover under the oak trees at the water’s edge. Father notices then that Samuel has left his copy of The Book behind in the field.

Father

I am my Father’s son,

in his word I’ll soldier on!

he shalt not be blasphemed!

Samuel’s my only son,

in my word he’ll soldier on!

our name shall be redeemed!

“How could you leave it that way?!”

“How could you leave HIM this way?!”

“How could you leave me this way?!”

Grandfather

(hijacking Father’s inner voice)

he must submit and pray!

Father

“How could she pull you away?!”

“How could she lead you astray?!”

“How could she not fear my way?!”

Grandfather

she must be sacrificed!

Father notices a feather in the grass…

Father

what price must Samuel pay

to desecrate and then betray?

he must be made to pray

“So that he may see!”

… and lifting the feather he notices a tiny drop of blood.

Father

what price must this girl pay

for tempting him to lose his way?

she must be made to stay…

“So that she may see!”

He finds the page and places the feather and closes The Book

in the rain.

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“ …Andrade’s almost forensic insight into the tortured machinations of religious thought and faith create contexts and situations full of drama, power and poignancy.”

 

 

lyrics

a dream that strayed i

 
 

It is the end of summer. Samuel sits in an empty room, alone in the upper floors of The Mansion, sitting shoulders slumped and dreading this day that he knew would come.

A letter of termination lies opened and read on the desk, and tucked within the folds a feather found, accompanied by a handwritten note from his Father demanding to see him.

Finding the feather sitting atop the letter in his mailbox was indeed odd. It had obviously been placed there by his Father, since he handled all of the inquiries, entreaties, and mail coming into The Mansion for The Church. And it had stirred up some rather strange, distant feelings of foreboding.

The arrival of the letter, and the meeting with Father, had occurred at the beginning of the week. He had been given an ultimatum, then, to fulfill by today, Friday. The time had come.

Samuel had been fired from his position at a company that provided humanitarian aid to drought-stricken countries, a position he had obtained because of the company’s close ties with The Church, after it was discovered that Evangeline, his girlfriend – the CEO’s daughter – was pregnant.

His supervisor was a devout man, a benefactor of The Church, and he had berated Samuel for betraying God and for embarrassing his Father and the owner… and he’d wondered aloud as he had left what damage their immoral act would have on the company name, once news got out of the illegitimate birth.

Samuel watches the letter of termination luffing in the soft breeze coming from the window, and he remembers the day of his frightening dream in the park...

… he had awakened to find Evangeline waiting for him, and they had run hand-in-hand through the overgrown field at the edge of the park to escape the coming rain, and they had entered the darkening woods at the turn in the river…

… they had found shelter under the long arms of an ancient oak, huddled back in the grass in the lap of its massive roots, and there they had fallen naturally together for the first time, soothed and excited, hidden and exposed. It hadn’t felt wrong to him then, and there he had not doubted, just the sensation of the storm overhead passing and the clouds parting and the sun patterns spilling through, the sounds of the leaves and the birds in the heaving tree, and her in the grass in his arms.

Samuel

hair in sunlight shines

mouth that tastes like wine

skin that feels so soft

divine

when she lays next to me

a peaceful reverie

was it just a dream?

she makes me believe

softly speaks to me

feel her breath upon

my name

warm hands that hold my face

her quiet angelic grace

how could I replace?

Father

(spoken – Samuel remembers)

“My name and all that I’ve worked for in HIS name will be ruined by this pregnancy! Do you understand me, son?”

“That girl should know better- you should know better! She was sent by her father to seduce you, to embarrass you- to embarrass me!”

They had grown up together in The Church; they were children of the same power structure. They were kindred spirits.

Father

“I brought her into my house… because of your weakness…. She and that baby have got to go.”

Father had always been suspicious of Evangeline, and Samuel knew he had been watching them, even had had them followed. He didn’t trust the motives of earthly love, and so he certainly didn’t trust Evangeline.

But in Evangeline were rare feelings to be found and experienced by Samuel, experiences of love that were available here and now, luxuries that he and his twin brother, Noah, had been denied since their mother had disappeared without explanation when they were infants.

Father’s attention to them was more dutiful than nurturing at best, and their care was given devoid of any emotion. It had felt most of the time like they had been reporting in to him, and that Father had been taking mental notes rather than actually listening to them. They had been raised in a world of servitude and platitudes.

It was Evangeline, alone, who had been the one to forgive Samuel without the never-ending need for penance, she alone had been the one to suffer his doubts without question, she alone had been the one to accept his fears without judgement, and she alone had been the one to dry his tears with a single, simple touch.

Samuel

Lord, can’t you see

the power he has

over me?

Lord, you must see

the power her love

has in me?

Samuel clasps his hands and lowers his head.

“help me… help me.”

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lyrics

a price to pray ii

 
 

Samuel hears the bedroom door opening behind him, and as he lifts up turns his head to look sees Father coming in and through the room towards him. He seems more harried and tired than he had been earlier in the week, and this saddens him.

Father

(spoken)

“I heard what you said - I can hear your prayers… any power that I have comes from the Father himself - the only love you need is HIS love!”

“That evil “angel” of yours has been manipulating you from the start… you must pray – now - the right way… recite the Psalm of David - DO IT!”

Samuel

(spoken)

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul:

he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness”

Father glances over at the desk and then he looks back down, his eyes refocusing and trying to find Samuel’s eyes, his ugly demeanor slowly dissolving…

… he wants to say something, but he surrenders the thought and walks away.

Samuel watches the empty doorway for a long moment, and then he gets to his feet and walks to the doorway looking out and through the doorway and then down into the hall. He slowly closes the door, quietly.

Father had been scaring him all week, ever since he had become aware of Evangeline’s pregnancy. And he had seemed more desperate in his attempts to steer him away from her too - his inartful use of The Word to support his admonishments had been very much unlike him.

The poetry of The Book had always moved Samuel, but Father’s use of The Word had been self-serving; where certain verses had never failed to lift him up, Father’s words had consistently fallen flat, and where the wonder beyond the meaning had never failed to illuminate him, Father’s words had seemed merely self-referential and mundane.

Noah had never trusted anything that Father or Grandfather had to say when “cloaked” in The Word - he had always thought they were deconstructing metaphors for their own purpose. And he had always challenged Samuel’s willingness to surrender himself to The Book, though Samuel suspected he had really been challenging his loyalty to their Father.

Samuel knew how obvious it had been that Father had favored him over Noah, and he had enjoyed the attention while they were growing up. He had sought Father’s approval at every turn, and he had always supported him by default.

Noah was technically the oldest brother - he had been born first - and so he was naturally protective of Samuel, envious or not. In the end he and his brother had been close. And Samuel had loved him - did love him. He certainly needed him now.

Grandfather

you will pray the right way

you will submit everyday

Noah

(as Grandfather scolds)

why can’t you see

what this all means

Grandfather

nonbelievers you’ll abhor

they shall die like before

Noah

I can’t believe

you’re on your knees

Grandfather

you will pray the right way

you will submit everyday

Noah

I have to leave…

Samuel

Lord, you must see

what’s going to be!

Noah

(with Samuel)

we only wanted protection

I only wanted protection

Samuel

Lord, can’t you see

you must save me!

Noah

we only wanted affection

I only wanted affection

A breeze has been building outside the window, behind the curtains at the window building and collecting, the curtains lifting and rolling gently, lifting and rolling in long waves and then settling, filling and lifting and rolling in long waves and snapping up…

… a current of air rushes in and surrounds Samuel soft as a whisper, and a voice on the wind merges with his own inner voice, separate from him and yet a part of him, becoming him…

… and it was Noah’s voice. He had just heard Noah’s voice!

His brother had gone missing after he had left The Church, after literally walking away from what was to be a summer-long indoctrination into The Faith, under their Grandfather’s tutelage, cloistered in a monastery not found on any maps, disappearing as he had walked away into the Black Forest at sunset.

Father had waited as long as he could, as far as Samuel knew, before taking them there. But once they had turned eighteen, he simply couldn’t put Grandfather off any longer, he had to accede and bring them to The Monastery.

It had always been Samuel’s impression that his Father had been trying to distance himself from their Grandfather. And he had learned over the summer, from one of Grandfather’s acolytes, a man who had also been childhood friends with their Mother, that ever since he had been allowed to leave The Monastery with her, Father had indeed been trying to separate himself...

… Samuel watches the feather luffing in the folds of the letter on the desk, and he reaches for it. He absently pulls it through his cupped hand, and then he draws it down his cheek…

… he had heard rumors too, before returning home, that Noah had died over the summer while digging wells for the Clean Water Initiative. There were others who had told him he had drowned while attempting to save a whale calf from being slaughtered. Samuel didn’t know whom or what to believe.

Samuel had been shell-shocked and disturbed by his stay at The Monastery. And when he had returned, Father refused to talk about Noah, angrily forbidding him from even saying his name in front of him, out of grief he had assumed.

What bothered Samuel was that Noah had never said goodbye. He was certain his twin brother would have told him where he was going - unless he had been prevented from doing so… it just wasn’t like him, would not be like him, to disappear from his life.

Should he and Evangeline try to leave The Mansion and run from The Church - would they be able to outrun and escape Father’s judgement? How could he be expected to sacrifice his own son?

“Oh, Lord-“ How could he possibly tell Evangeline that Father required her to abort their child, even though The Church considered the act a grave sin? How could he reconcile his part in this?

“Lord, hear my prayer…” A bird lands on the sill outside the window and blinks, blink, blinks, and watches him. He remembers the day they had gone to watch the men from the town prepare the soil in The Monastery fields.

One of the acolytes had pointed to a group of starlings flying in close acrobatic formation overhead. They were surrounded and followed by three hawks, circling.

“You see how they stick together,” he had asked? “You don’t want to be on the outside.“

Suddenly one of the hawks had swooped down and taken one of the starlings that had strayed, driving it’s talons deep into the little bird’s chest, exploding feathers floating down.

“You want to stay with flock, boys.”

“If you fly, you die.” Noah’s voice had just come from the mouth of the acolyte in his daydream - there was no mistaking it, he had heard it – he had seen it! But how?

Samuel looks behind him. There is no one. He jumps up and goes to the window and looks down into the mansion gardens… No one.

“Nooaah! Noooaaah!” But there is no reply. Only the end of day wind as it streams in to fill the trees and scatter leaves falling…

Noah

why does he hide behind these rhymes?

ancient words whispered over wine

in edifices that hide the lies

I lost my faith when I got in line

Another powerful memory overtakes him: he sees Noah leaving the gravel road outside the monastery gates, looking over his shoulder at Samuel watching him, not saying a word as he watches Noah climb into the dark rows of forest trees, the sun setting in the trees, darkness rising with Noah walking away, in and out of shadows slowly up and through, looking back once and smiling, moving up and through, leaving, he’s leaving, his brother’s leaving, he’s gone-

If Noah was indeed dead, where had he gone if he had just heard him now, as clear as when he was alive? And if he were not dead, if he was in some foreign land, what difference then was death?

What difference from being estranged was being dead other than the fading of memory, other than memory fading without the hope of being replenished?

As far as Samuel was concerned, he had lost his brother in the Black Forest, and yet his voice had remained with him to be heard here now, inside of him, certainly clearer than he had ever heard the voice of God.

“If you fly, you die,” Noah had said. Samuel had no choice. He couldn’t risk but to deliver his Father’s judgement to Evangeline.

He would wear the mask of righteousness and he would say the words, as his Father had taught him. He knew his Father had the authority and the power on this earth to ordain whatever he thought was in the best interest of The Church.

Samuel leaves the bedroom empty, alone at summer’s end. The gathering wind floods the room in his wake and tosses the letter from the desk, sweeping the feather up in its current and carrying it away spinning like a dagger out the window, and slams the door shut behind him.

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lyrics

a dream that strayed ii

 
 

Evangeline

(exhausted)

this can’t be happening

I knew this day would come…

where’s the man that I fell for?

whatever happened to our dream-

Samuel

-a dream that strayed from HIS Word

in our lustful choices…

one moment of weakness made-

now our child must be made to pay

Evangeline

(exasperated)

you can’t believe this?

your brother understood- he knew!

which “Father” has plans for you?

Sam, your doubt will save you too!

Samuel

you know I must obey!

I was born to soldier on…

you’ll always know pain (always know pain)

but that’s the price we have to pay-

He can’t continue…

Evangeline

(now feeling manipulated)

-how can you just walk away?!

and stops in the doorway.

Samuel

it’s HIS Word I can’t betray-

She stares.

Evangeline

(having none of it)

how can you be so cold?!

Samuel

HE has a plan-

Evangeline

WE had a plan!

Samuel

(pointing into house)

He has a plan.

He turns away from her-

Evangeline

“Sam- I thought that you loved me?”

and pauses…

Samuel

(resigned)

you will love again.

… and then he leaves, closing the door behind him.

An unnerving silence descends… followed by darkness. He has been swept up in a current from which he cannot escape… a wave of nausea washes over him and buckles his knees, and he collapses falling back against the door.

He remembers once being bathed in warmth and light, sunlight spilling like diamonds upon the river flowing behind her, and he is pushing back her hair floating like silk there, over it goes and back again it falls, and they laugh in the warm flowing air, a fragrant stream between them, and she closes her eyes-

“NO!” Evangeline’s scream from behind the door tears him from the memory and returns him- and then her heart truly breaks.

“Noo… noooo… noooooooooo…” Samuel turns his ear to the door. She sounds as if she’s struggling to breath, she sounds like she is drowning. He covers his ears and rolls away from the door pressing down on his ears, and he tries to stand…

… he stumbles as he staggers away leaning…

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lyrics

alpha & omega ii

 
 

… skipping down the wall he staggers and runs into the mirror facing the long dark corridor that leads to Father’s office. He takes hold of the mirror to steady it and catches himself standing with the corridor behind him, dark at his back in the mirror.

Father materializes from the darkness, appears in the mirror coming forward behind him, coming from the darkness behind him and stands over his shoulder.

He seems resigned now, and strangely absent, more so than ever, and although he attempts his Sunday pulpit best, his eyes appear to have lost their light.

Samuel

heaven

Father

you have to be prepared

to do HIS will and sacrifice

Samuel

comfort

Father

you’ve always had a chosen life

Samuel

farewell

Father

“good-”

Samuel

divine

Father

“you’re on your way”

Samuel

heaven

Father

you must submit

and trust in HIM

The Book

HIS word

Samuel

comfort

Father

to redeem yourself

you’ll have to pay the price

Samuel

forgive me

Father

“good-“

Samuel

sweet angel

Father

“you’ll see”

And then he is gone from the mirror, just as suddenly as he had appeared. Father leaves Samuel alone with his reflection.

Samuel

heaven

comfort

divine

sweet angel

“Noooo, nooo, noo, no, no, no, no…” Evangeline’s cries wash over him in waves. She begins to cough as she cries - and each of her racking, concussive sobs echoes down the empty mansion hall and punches him in the gut.

“You’ll see,” Father had said. But all he could see was an image of himself in the mirror, shaking. He sees a young hawk who had been let loose in the field to collect those who’ve strayed.

“If you fly, you die,” Noah’s voice had said.

His brother hadn’t believed in a heaven’s gate, and he hadn’t trusted the men who’d said they alone held the keys - he probably wouldn’t have trusted Samuel, now. Perhaps he never had?

Evangeline is wailing in pain… her sorrow a storm on the ocean in which he is being tossed, and from under which he is being pulled... he feels nauseous again.

“Don’t walk away”, he sees his reflection say to him.

“Don’t you do it.”

“Don’t you see?”

“Why can’t you see what this all means,” he hears Noah say. Samuel shakes his head and screams!

Evangeline’s crying… Noah’s voice… he’d been talking aloud to himself – he can’t hear himself think… he doesn’t feel like himself.

He throws his hands up to his ears, pressing tightly, and closes his eyes. He needs to get away. But he simply cannot escape the sorrow he’s caused. He is sickened by what he sees in the mirror, and he begins to back away from himself still mouthing ‘don’t you walk away’, ‘don’t you do it’…

Once she leaves, will I ever see her again?

When it’s finished… how will I know if she’s all right?

He turns then and runs, ripping the collar from around his neck, God help him. He runs as fast as he can, with Evangeline’s grief chasing him down the halls and following him out into the fading light…

… with their dreams shattered and dispersed in his wake, Samuel runs from his Father’s house.

Samuel

(running)

heaven

comfort

divine

sweet angel

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lyrics

heaven

 
 

Cast

don't walk away

stay

oh, please stay

know

heaven is inside

you and me

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the word made flesh

 
 

Evangeline

this pregnancy I’ve tried to hide

I’m so tired of the whole charade

how could I allow myself

to be so beaten down?

for his love I’ve sacrificed all of my beliefs

been forced to move and made to pray

now I must protect this new love grows inside

how can a child conceived in love not be divine?

he says it’s God’s “word” but I know he doesn’t mean it

and now he only talks of sin and fear

I wanna dream this nightmare away…

She remembers being hand-in-hand, her and Samuel, walking barefoot through the dew in the grass at the fringes of the park, under fragrant fruit trees in full flower, dragging their feet to feel the cool wetness on their legs, in and out of the shade there, the sun instantly hot on their exposed skin.

She carried flowers that she’d picked along the way, and bees trailed in their scented wake, determined to feed still. She swung her arms unaware because she was in love.

He turned her in the wind with his hands on her shoulders to see her in the sun, and he lifted the hair alight from her face, watching as it returned and floated in the wind towards him, mesmerized and smiling with wonder…

They sat down on a soft bed of meadow grass under the great oak tree by the river and he kissed her again, though never like this, and she could feel the heat of the sun on her legs in the shade…

Evangeline

once I laid in the grass with you

a flower tender and filled with sweetness

warm and fragrant with incense of you

that quickly drew me

up on you!

and the patterns the sun made drapes over you

with the fast river flowing past

flowing past new

a pair of goldcrest lighted to form a choir in my view

a cathedral that’s moveable and true

our love has made us one

and the word made flesh becoming new

coming new now

a quickening within our love in movement

movement

up from you!

Mother

(entering and becoming Evangeline’s inner voice)

here now

my world surrounds you

listen to my voice

familiar vibrations

to sooth you

feel now

my arms surround you

gentle are my hands

familiar sensations

Evangeline

(singing the song that had come to her)

it’s all right

live in me safely

be warm within me

nothing to fear

She has just had an extraordinary experience…

… Evangeline places a hand to her forehead, and she takes a step carefully while reaching for the back of a chair to steady herself, and then she moves slowly to the window and opens it…

… the air in the room is electric, and she doesn’t quite feel like herself…

… a voice had overtaken her - it was at once alarming and yet soothing at the same time. It had the same intimate quality of her mother’s voice - of all mother’s voices. And it had felt strangely reassuring, not a part of her yet of her and then becoming her.

She watches a feather fall and spin in the wind outside and then it blows into the room on the breeze where it spirals silently down to the floor.

She bends carefully and reaches for the feather, and then she goes back to the chair to sit. She turns the feather over in her shaking hands, pulls it through her fingers once, twice, smoothing the white barbs on the stem…

… and she feels a change in the atmosphere of the room, she can hear the pushing in of her door, and she turns in time to see Father in coming through and walking towards her determined, transfixed on her-

The Lover (Evangeline)

what the hell you doin’ in here-

how long have you been at that door?

Father

you believe you’ve lived safely here?

I assure you, you’ve had plenty to fear!

I’ve been watching, now must decide

what to do about that baby

The Lover (Evangeline)

I knew my Samuel wasn’t to blame!

I knew that he was forced to say it-

get out-

get out!

where is he?!

Father

what interest here does your Father have?

The Lover (Evangeline)

what? you’re mistaken ‘bout my “interest”!

Father

and you’re naïve if you still believe

this pregnancy won’t hurt my interests- this Church!

The Lover (Evangeline)

you think you’ve got that power over me

you really think I’d kill my baby?

Father

what makes you think that you’ve got a choice?

surely, you must know the power I have-

The Lover (Evangeline)

I won’t!

how can-?

I’LL NEVER!

Father

a baby can’t live in a cold womb

without attachments to its mother

I’ll simply shut machine mother down-

Samuel lost his mother like that one day

The Lover (Evangeline)

my Father won’t allow this to be-

have you forgotten of his power?!

The Church depends on him overseas…

and would your God allow this- back off!

back off-

back off!

don’t touch me!

Father

your Father had no choice but concede

and through me God wields all his power

The Lover (Evangeline)

is murder God’s way or is it yours?

my family, friends and Samuel- they’ll all miss me!

Father

you’ll go “missing” while digging wells

a promised martyr to your mother

the Lord works in mysterious ways

The Lover (Evangeline)

but Samuel, he will know – wait! let go!

let go-

let go!

OH, SAMUEL SAVE ME!

“Saulus, please don’t- oh God- you’re not yourself,” she says, startling him.

(Samuel had been waiting outside The Mansion gates for Evangeline to appear, hoping against hope she’d understood what needed to be done, and praying to The Father they’d be able to start anew in The Church - once they’d sacrificed and were forgiven and had put this in their past... but he’d doubted it, for she had her convictions.)

She was stronger than he was and yet she would lose the struggle because he had more strength in his arms. He didn’t want it to come to this.

(He had watched the lights come on in Father’s office. He’d waited, but he never saw the lights come on in Evangeline’s room, and she hadn’t come out through the gates…)

The familiar sensations run through his hands rough on her throat, holding the back of her throbbing neck, race up his arms to find that place in his heart pounding blood but there is no soil to support it there, still… she is disappearing, shutting down, and she begins to go slack.

(Samuel is running through the electric lights down the dark paths that lead to the last of the park fields, running across the field to run along the apron of scrub and bramble down to the river’s edge, returning to that one place their love had been exposed and yet remained secure, somewhere inside here under the long ancient arms of an oak…)

He can’t do this any longer and so he releases her throat and lowers her to the floor, still holding and supporting the back of her neck, and he notices the impression of the ring red on her throat…

… and that’s when she reappears

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hear my voice tonight

 
 
 
 

Mother

be soothed by the water

you have no sins

one person two bodies

my lovely twins

Samuel

(on his knees in prayer)

heaven hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my song

hear my voice tonight

Mother

(on her knees with her boys)

we’ll leave in the morning

run far from here

Samuel

(continues)

heaven hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my song

hear my voice tonight

Mother

(continues)

escape from your father

be free from fear

Samuel

hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my song

heaven hear my voice tonight

Noah

(with his brother)

heaven hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my cry

hear my voice tonight

Mother

(with her sons)

you won’t be as heartless

be stone like him

Samuel

(continues)

hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my song

heaven hear my voice tonight

Noah

(continues)

heaven hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my cry

hear my voice tonight

Mother

(continues)

we’ll hope for the future

our little hymn

Samuel

(in anguish)

I was saved by loving

my love for…

I was saved by loving

once before

Mother

(joining Samuel - back in time - packing a suitcase)

I was saved by loving

my love for…

I was saved by loving

once before

Samuel

(crying out to the heavens)

hear me!

O Lord, where are you?!

why won’t you assure me

of my role in this part?!

hear me!

why so silent, O Lord?!

can’t you assure me

of the doubt in my heart?!

Mother and Noah

hear you

near you

close your eyes

and you’ll see

with you

love you

close your eyes

I’ll be

near you

with you

in you

Samuel is emotionally exhausted and has collapsed curled up within the massive roots of the oak tree, and he closes his eyes, lulled by the never-ending undulating river flowing behind him, allowing himself to drift downstream…

…he hears far-off birdsong, the last of summer breathing in the leaves overhead, and then the swirling current becomes the water splashing in a tub…

… he hears his mother singing…

… and then he sees that she is bathing him and Noah, together again.

Samuel

(his inner voice - watching Mother)

heaven hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my song

hear my voice tonight

Mother

(pouring water over her sons)

be soothed by the water

you have no sins

Samuel

(continues)

heaven hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my song

hear my voice tonight

Mother

(continues)

one person two bodies

my lovely twins

Samuel

(his inner voice)

heaven hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my song

hear my voice tonight

Noah

(joining Samuel’s inner voice)

hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my cry

heaven hear my voice tonight

Samuel

(continues)

heaven hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my song

hear my voice tonight

Noah

(continues)

hear my voice tonight

how I wish you’d hear my cry

hear my cry…

Samuel

(his inner voice)

I was saved by loving

my love for…

I was saved by loving

once before

Samuel and Mother

(his inner voice merges with his Mother)

I was saved by loving

my love for…

I was saved by loving

once before

Samuel

(his soul crying out to the heavens)

hear me!

O Lord, tell me if

Father speaks now for you,

and you his deeds from the start?!

hear me!

O Lord, tell me if

Father speaks now for you,

and you his deeds from the start?!

Mother and Evangeline

(Samuel senses their presence - his face warming in their hands)

hear you

near you

with you

love you

hear you

near you

with you

love you

hear you

near you

with you

love you

hear you

near you

with you

love you

hear you

near you

with you

love you

hear you

near you

with you

love you

Samuel is suddenly underwater, suspended and motionless, warm in a new dream…

… he senses his brother nearby but he cannot see him. Noah is upset - and he’s in fear, Samuel can feel it, but he doesn’t know why, and he cannot ask him, but he knows that his brother is afraid…

… there is a slow sensation of movement from above and behind him, and a growing viscous wave forms along his backside rolling him, and slowly rolling forward he senses his brother coming down and passing him, and as he rolls forward facing down he thinks that he can see him being pulled into the blackness around them, into the light that surrounds this place…

… his mother’s voice comes from the light beyond and out of the black into which Noah had been pulled, a rich undulation of tone more than words, vibrating the water around him and in him, and he feels her touch him without contact, and she takes charge of him without presence, and he is stilled…

… he feels his brother relax and become quiet, he’s been quieted, and then he loses touch, and he doesn’t know for sure if he’s still with him…

… then his body is parting waters, he is being pulled out from the thick sucking hold of water falling over and around him, and the water pours away from his hair past his face, and he gasps for breath, and he starts to cough, cough, cough, still coughing while Mother rubs his back between his wings and Noah cries, he hears Noah crying…

… and then he and Noah are up and out dripping from the bath, sitting on the floor in hazy sunlight, and Mother is drying them, she dries them with an enormous white towel, burying them in dazzling white while drying them, absorbing the warm cleansing water, drying them and their new pink skin…

A sudden kettle drum of thunder erupts and rolls overhead, rolling overhead and reverberating, drumming under him and in him and around him, and shakes him from his dream…

Samuel awakens to rain, a relentless roaring down pour, the rain surrounding him with sound and fury, an overwhelming torrent, and the incessant rapid percussive patter in the canopy and the drip-drip-drip-dripping down through the oak leaves is cold and shocking and it is a rude awakening-

Lightning bursts, repeatedly, ripping the fabric of heaven, tearing through the skies overhead from horizon to horizon, and illuminates, illuminates the low grey ceiling of sky flowing past, flowing past and then goes out.

He tries to rise, slips in the mud, and tries to rise again. He is disorientated and still on the cusp of waking, awake and yet dreaming still in the presence of his Mother and Noah, inhabiting both worlds, and he begins to cough, cough, cough…

… and still coughing he sees the park lights through the trees blink, and blink, and then blink, blink, and go out, the light leaving this world and Samuel alone in the storm, so he closes his eyes...

… and rising from within him he hears the familiar vibrations of goldcrest lighting, the rustling of leaves in the tree, the river flowing past, flowing past new, and the gentle breathing of Evangeline, his sweet angel, the taste of wine still lingering on her lips, and he can feel her breath…

… soft as a whisper, speaks his name: “Samuel”.

A rumble of thunder rolls up and shakes the ground under him, drumming under him and in him and around him, shaking him from his reverie …

… he opens his eyes to see and he hears Evangeline scream from beyond and out of the black: “Oh Samuel save me!”

Samuel runs through the cold dark night rain, slipping and falling and rising, slipping and falling and rising again, and arrives at The Mansion muddied and wet and yet home, only to find the gates locked. He hangs his head, shivering.

Mother

Samuel-

Noah

save the child within-

Mother

behind a door here-

Noah

suffers for our sins

Mother

O Samuel-

Noah

hidden from the lies…

Mother

you must release her!

Noah

I would have said “goodbye”

And then Samuel remembers Noah had hidden a key to the gate, to prevent Father from locking him out, in plain sight he had said, down from the keyhole… Samuel searches stands back and searches the mortar line on either side of the gate and then lightning bursts brightly, repeatedly, and he sees it.

Samuel opens the gate, pockets the key and enters the courtyard. The stained-glass windows of Father’s office are dark. The whole mansion is dark.

He slips through the great doors and runs cat-like through the maze of carpeted halls. It is eerily quiet in The Mansion.

He reaches Evangeline’s room and takes hold of the door, but he hesitates, his shame overtaking him. He moves his ear closer to the door and hears nothing. He braces himself and turns the knob, but it is locked.

Samuel decides to knock - to hell with Father, “Evangeline!” But Evangeline doesn’t answer. “Evangeline, it’s me, Samuel!”

He thinks he hears movement, something soft across the floor, the barest of voices, so he knocks again, knocking longer, knocking as he calls out her name, knocking louder but there is still no answer, and no one coming the door, so he stops…

…and he turns with his back to the door, sliding down his back to slowly to sit on the carpet.

What a cruel twist of fate that Father had placed Evangeline here, Samuel realized, behind this door, in their old nursery.

About what had happened to his mother, he hardly knew anything - both she and her death had been a secret. Any attempts at discussing her life – especially any questions about her death – were strictly forbidden by Father.

Mother had been seriously ill, they had been told, with only machines to keep her alive, for a time, until Father had thought it best, “out of consideration” for both him and Noah, to remove her from the life support.

And so they had attended a funeral for a Mother they had never known, for the woman they’d assumed had died long ago.

Samuel still remembers the casket rolling by, and the hard time he had had feeling any loss for her, without any memory of her, and how horrible it had made him feel. He wanted to miss her, but he couldn’t. He hadn’t been allowed. “Life is memory, and then it’s nothing”, he remembers reading.

So he had watched the shell of his Mother being buried in the shell of a woman within the shell of a casket, dropped down and buried below with the leaves that had fallen in with her…

… and he’d thought of how he had felt like a corpse who’d been dragging his soul around, alive and yet dead in The Church, awaiting the promise of heaven…

… in line with his Mother, and Noah.

"When will the kingdom come,” his disciples had asked?

Jesus said, "It will not come by waiting for it. It will not be a matter of saying 'Here it is' or 'There it is'.”

“The kingdom of the father is spread out upon the earth, and people do not see it."

Samuel rises.

“Father!”

And sprints down the hall.

He catches himself again in the mirror before the dark hallway leading to Father’s office, and this time he looks like he has come from the grave, all speckled with mud and earthen debris, clothes matted and soaked through to the bone.

He takes the stairs up two at a time and at the top of the stairs he reaches for the door and then stops, shaking, his heart racing.

He balances himself, and slowly carefully places his ear to the door. He hears nothing so he steadies himself, takes a deep breath, and puts his hand on the doorknob-

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come to your father

 
 
 
 

We are back in time.

Father has entered the nursery, startling Mother. She had been drying the boys, Samuel and Noah up and out from their bath on a white carpet in the late afternoon sun, and singing to them, preparing them for flight.

There are suitcases opened, all in varying degrees of being filled, with clothing and food and books having been tossed and piled in. It is clear to him that she is preparing to leave with children.

He is monstrous and unrecognizable as he approaches her, talking in sing-song gibberish…

“He’s gone mad,” Mother thinks. She shields the children behind her back away from him, holds them back with her arms folded like wings behind her.

Father stops, and for a moment she seems to recognize him as she had known him before, doubting as he had always doubted, and he seems to reemerge from the depths of the storm raging within him...

“Saulus, please don’t… you remember- you know- we can’t stay!”

Father

I hear what you say!

any more to say?

how you going away?

where you going to stay?

what price should you pay?

so help me God, you’ll pay!

the children have to stay

but you don’t have to stay!

They hear an approaching commotion and a bird bursts through the open window in a tumult of flapping wings, flapping up to the ceiling and circling the room, flying trapped.

It sees the reflection of the open window in the children’s mirror and drops down to fly between them, and it collides with its own reflection flying in the mirror with a sickening crack and breaks its neck.

The mirror had been a baptismal gift from Grandfather, etched with two small boys as angels, kneeling together with their hands folded, facing each other in prayer.

The bird’s wings have exploded, sending bloody feathers up and out into the room. Mother watches in horror as they spiral silently down to settle upon the bathwater, while another slowly drifts as if drawn to rest upon Samuel’s head.

Father suddenly grabs Mother by the throat and pulls her up to him - Noah will not let go of her hand though and is holding on being dragged with his Mother up, and begins to cry…

Mother

please don’t cry!

not now Noah – oh Samuel please!

how long-

who in hell-

we can’t stay-

wait!

can’t you see?

why you-

oh please see-

how can you-

you’re not yourself-

oh God, please save me!

don’t touch me–

let go it hurts!

oh God, please help me!

“Oh no - but the kids! Wait – I – we’ll stay – wait!”

let me please!

I won’t-

oh no please-

don’t-

wait-

that really hurts-

oh no!

please-

save me…

He begins squeezing her throat with the hand that wears the Golden Ring, and he holds her close with his other hand, preventing her escape, for he is the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad messenger dog come to collect one of his Father’s flock!

Noah is pointing and crying, points to the feather on Samuel’s head. A bead of blood has dripped from the end of the quill and is running red down his cheek.

Samuel is staring at the dying bird though, watching its eyes blink, and blink, and then blink, blink, and-

Father feels trapped in an out of body experience, as if he’s going through the motions at a distance… everything seems to be happening in slow motion…

… a line is being crossed…

… he is taking the seat at the right hand of his Father…

… he had already accepted it…

… he is both the collector and the one being collected…

… she is strong, but he is stronger…

… her eyes are wide and they are tearing…

… he closes his eyes so that he may not to see…

… he can feel her throat muscles working to speak in his hands…

… and then he feels her going slack…

… she is shutting down…

… he opens his eyes and watches her disappear…

… his kindred spirit…

… she is disappearing…

… in losing her, he feels the loss of having been loved…

… but he cannot stop, he cannot let go…

… she’s escaping- there she goes- she’s leaving all of this…

… she had escaped Father once before…

… he had helped her then too…

… there is a voice inside of him that is not his…

… he remembers again - he did know…

… he loosens his grip…

… and she reappears…

… her eyes flutter and open…

… a tear wells up and falls…

… he lowers her to the floor while still holding her tightly…

… her mouth opens and closes and opens and closes…

… he releases her throat from the hand with the golden ring…

… a shallow gasp for air…

… he helps her to lay on the floor…

… she’s breathing again…

… her eyes are blink, blink, blinking…

… she doesn’t understand, he can see…

… there’ll be hell to pay…

… what is he to do with her now…

… Noah is crawling out from under his mother…

… Samuel is standing alone, unmoving, staring…

Samuel is watching his Mother blink, and blink, and then blink, blink like the bird and he absently touches his cheek, the cheek stained with the bird’s blood, and he feels the wetness there, but he hasn’t been crying, so brings the hand in front of him to see, the red stain on his fingers…

… has he been crying blood?

… what are they all to do now?

Father

Come, Samuel.

Samuel.

Samuel, come.

Come along, Samuel.

Come to your father.

Leave your mother there.

I’ll take care of your mother.

I’ll take care of Noah.

Don’t be afraid, Samuel.

Come to me.

Samuel?

Samuel?!

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